A College Football Player Demonstrates Why Sharing A Meal Makes Such A Difference

Photo Credit: Leah Paske

My family moved a month before I started high school. My mom owned a business and her main office was in a neighboring town so we moved in order to be closer to her work. The change also shaved some time off of my dad's daily commute into Detroit.

Even though we relocated less than 15 minutes away, it felt like I was completely starting over. I was leaving behind the friends I had grown up with and all I had known. Venturing into high school is always a pivotal step in the life of a teen but as an introvert, I was especially anxious about having to make new friends while being "the new kid."

Football practice started a few weeks before classes did so I was starting from scratch with my new teammates and coaches. To make matters worse, my new school was a rival of the high school I would have attended. The guys that were my "enemies" in eighth grade were now my teammates as a ninth grader. My new high school was coming off a state championship and the varsity coach had recently been named the Detroit Free Press "Sports Figure of the Year." To say I was intimidated was an understatement.

All I remember about my first few days of practice is that it felt reminiscent of how my dad had described boot camp with the U.S. Marine Corps. It was physically demanding, I got yelled at a lot and I didn't seem to know what I was doing. Though I was one of the better players on my eighth grade team and distinguished myself as a two-way starter, none of that seemed to matter in a system I was unfamiliar with and to coaches that didn't know me. In fact, it wasn't until the third day of practice that one of my teammates even said a word to me. I felt completely alone and longed to return to my friends "back home."

I eventually made friends and stopped getting yelled at so much. Over time, I became adjusted to my new life and didn't feel quite so alone. But when I recently read the story of Bo Peske (the boy in the photo on the right) and Florida State football player Travis Rudolph (in photo on the left), my mind immediately went back to when I felt so alone as a 14-year-old high school freshman. I remembered how much I simply wanted someone to just be my friend in the way that Travis became to Bo.

It seems that a number of FSU football players were visiting Bo's school when Rudolph noticed Bo sitting alone in the cafeteria. He decided to sit with him and began a conversation over lunch. A worker at the school took a photo and sent it to Bo's mom, Leah. She posted the picture on Facebook, which has now gone viral. Since Bo has autism, he gets treated a bit differently by his classmates and regularly has no one to sit with at lunch.

His mom had this to say after seeing the photo:

"I'm not sure what exactly made this incredibly kind man share a lunch table with my son, but I'm happy to say that it will not soon be forgotten. This is one day I didn't have to worry if my sweet boy ate lunch alone, because he sat across from someone who is a hero in many eyes."

When I think about it, I think most of us are probably a lot like Bo. There are things about us that others may find different that will lead them to not engage with us. And, in many ways, most adults are probably no different than the middle schoolers who choose to not sit with Bo. We might disregard others because of their differences or unintentionally ignore others because we're wrapped up in our own world.

One of the profound things about the example that Travis sets for us is not just that he engages with Bo but he shares a meal with him. The practice of sharing a meal with someone is not to be missed.

When we share a meal with someone, we communicate friendship, identification and acceptance. It is one of the reasons that Jesus was considered so scandalous by the religious leaders of his day. He ate with those considered to be beneath the upper crust of society. But the primary concern of Jesus was not to please self-appointed religious leaders. He was most concerned with glorifying His Father by pouring out His love on people in desperate need of His grace.

The simple act of kindness that Travis Rudolph demonstrated illustrates the difference that selfless love can make in the life of someone else. I wonder how different the world would be if there were more people like Travis. How might it be if we went out of our way to care for those that we perceive to be different and seek to get to know them in a personal way? What if, like Jesus, we took the time to share a meal with those who might be different than us?

Embracing Our Ethnicity: A Lesson For Each Of Us

Photo Credit: YouTube

A bizarre story out of Washington state hit the news this weekend when it was revealed that the leader of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP, Rachel Dolezal, is actually white. While it's not odd that a leader within the NAACP would be white, what makes this story interesting is that Dolezal has been "passing" as an African American woman for at least most of the past decade.

Based on the reporting that has been done on her background, it appears that the 37-year-old Dolezal developed a strong connection to African Americans and black culture over the course of her life. Her parents had several adopted black siblings and she studied at Howard University, one of the premier historically black colleges within the United States. She went onto marry a black man and began darkening her skin, as well as wearing her hair in what most would consider more traditional African American styles.

What is Ethnic Identity?

So what is ethnic identity exactly? In its simplest sense, ethnicity refers to a group of people who identify with each other (and are identified by others) because of common factors like a shared history, physical appearance, cultural values, beliefs, customs, language, religion, national origin and other factors. In light of this, one's ethnic identity refers to the degree that one identifies with and belongs to a certain ethnic group or groups. When the Bible refers to ethnos -- a race or nation of people -- this is to which it is referring.

Because of our troubled history in the United States when it comes to ethnicity (e.g. the near genocide of Native Americans, the horrors of slavery, the internment of Japanese Americans during WWII, etc.), there are strong feelings when it comes to this issue.

In the example of Dolezal, at some point in her life, she chose to move from simply identifying WITH black people to identifying AS a black person. Her case raises serious questions about how we identify ourselves ethnically, how others identify us and why this is important.

Authenticity

The story of Rachel Dolezal is of particular interest to me because of some of the commonalities that I appear to have with her. I, too, developed a strong interest in black culture at a young age and have developed strong relationships with African Americans over the course of my life. Like Dolezal, I have held a leadership role in a predominately black organization, The Impact Movement, that serves the needs of the black community.

In my early years of ministry, I sensed that God was leading me into a ministry focus of black college students. Fortunately, I had several African American mentors that cautioned me to resist the temptation to try to become something that I was not in order to gain approval in black social circles. They shared with me how they knew of well-meaning white people that would attempt to prove how "down" they were with black folks by changing the way they dressed and or fumbling through feeble attempts at incorporating black slang into their conversation.

I'm grateful that this advice was afforded me early on in my journey of cross-cultural ministry. I learned long ago that no matter how much I loved my African American friends or how much I cared about issues that were important to the black community, I would never be black. God had made me a white man and if I was going to truly build relationships with those different than me, I needed to learn to become comfortable in my own skin.

Acceptance Within the Black Community

What I have learned over time is that being myself is all that anyone asks of me. If they're asking for more than that, it's not something I need to worry about. Granted, there have been challenges as a white man seeking to cross cultural lines where I've had to work hard to build trust and credibility. This, of course, is understandable. Because of the strained relations between the white and black communities throughout our country's history, there can be initial skepticism when I enter into predominately black environments.

But you know what I've found? I've learned that once most Africans Americans see that I care about them as individuals and about the issues that are important to them, then I've often experienced a high level of acceptance. I've learned that if I operate from a place of love and authenticity, then I'll be welcomed more times than not.

This is something that I wished Rachel Dolezal had learned earlier on in life. In reading about her story, it appears that she genuinely respects black culture and cares about black people. She's been a true advocate that has spent significant time in bringing attention to issues of concern to the black community. But she doesn't have to present herself with false claims about her ethnic heritage or upbringing in order to do so. According to my experiences, a white person that works tirelessly for African Americans will likely be embraced within that community.

God's Grace in Christ

Beyond the view that others may have of her, I hope that Rachel gains a greater understanding of God's love for her and His sovereign wisdom in choosing to make her a white woman. I believe that God has given each of us our ethnicity for His glory and to accomplish His purposes in the world. He can use who we truly are to make a true impact on the lives of others.

It appears that God has given Rachel Dolezal a genuine love for the African American community. This is a good thing. When we advocate for and identify with those that are ethnically different than us, the world is given an example of what it means to live out the gospel of God's grace. Just as Jesus left his heavenly home to identify with and live among us, we too can identify with others in a way that demonstrates our love for them.

However, we don't have to pretend we are something we are not. Even during His time on earth, Jesus never stopped being God. His divinity was not dependent upon his humanity. We, on the other hand, do need each other to grow in our humanness. And one of the most profound ways we can grow as people is to develop relationships with those different than us. I applaud Rachel Dolezal in her efforts to identify with African Americans, but I wish she would have not been deceptive in the process.

Author Brennan Manning refers to "the Imposter" as the false self that we make known to others for fear that our true self won't be accepted. We present an image that we think others will like rather than who we really are. I wonder if this is what happened with Rachel. I wonder if she thought that black people would never fully accept her if it was known that she was white. And that saddens me because I don't think it's based in reality.

But, even if it were true, there's a God that created her and fully embraces her within her ethnicity. Fortunately, I believe this applies to all of us. So whatever your God-given ethnicity might be, don't waste it. Embrace your ethnic identity as a gift from God to be used for His glory and your good. The world will be better for it.

Looking For Models Of Grace In A Society In Dire Need Of It

Photo Credit: Viewminder

In the increasingly polarized society in which we live, it can be easy for those of us that call ourselves Christians to carry ourselves in the same kind of manner as those that don't consider themselves to be followers of Christ. By either treating others the same way they treat us or by simply living lives that don't look much different than everyone else, we can miss out on opportunities to demonstrate the difference that Jesus can make in our lives as individuals and in society as a whole.

In a recent interview with Leadership Journal's Paul Pastor, author Philip Yancey challenges us to consider the role that grace can play as we interact with our culture. Here's a highlight:

"The Barna Group has documented that ordinary Americans, especially the "nones" who have no religious commitment, view Christians much less favorably than they did even 20 years ago. Books like unChristian spell out why. Outsiders to the faith see Christians as judgmental, self-righteous, right-wing, and anti—anti-gay, anti-science, anti-sex—the usual stereotypes. 

I'll leave that field to the pollsters and sociologists. As a Christian, I'm more interested in how we in the church contribute to a crisis of grace. To me, much of the problem stems from the uncomfortable reality that American culture has moved away from having a solid Christian consensus at its core. Certainly a strong majority of people believe in God, and a strong minority attend church on a semi-regular basis, but the culture has grown increasingly secular compared to the recent past.

Recently I heard the writer Amy Sherman describe three possible approaches: fortification, accommodation, and domination. Fortification: some Christians hunker down in a defensive posture, insulating themselves against the broader culture, creating a bubble around the subculture. Accommodation: some follow the script of the world, watering down the message so that it no longer offends. Domination: some fight to "get our country back!" by electing Christian politicians and working to pass laws that reflect the moral values they cherish.

Each of these approaches involves pitfalls, as Amy Sherman pointed out. Fortification? Jesus sent out his followers as "sheep among wolves," not as sheep locked safely in the barn. Accommodation? Jesus never watered down the gospel message and its implications for how we should live. Domination? One of the main reasons for a decline of faith in Europe traces back to the days when church and state worked together to dominate culture; though a coercive approach may work for a while, inevitably it produces a backlash.

For a better model I look back to the early Christians, who were seeking to live out their faith in a culture far more hostile and arguably more immoral than our own. We think NFL football is violent; Romans watched gladiatorial murder for sport. Abortion is bad enough; in the cruelest form of birth control, the Romans abandoned their full-term infants to wild animals. Homosexuality? Sophisticated Romans practiced same-sex pederasty with children.

So how did the early Christians respond? As a tiny minority, they showed a watching world a different way to be human. They adopted those abandoned infants and nursed them back to health. Risking their own lives, they stayed behind to nurse plague victims whose families had fled. They lived out a new standard of sexual purity.

As anyone knows who cruises the Internet, watches television, or votes in elections, our culture is becoming increasingly polarized. I look for models of how to bring grace back to a society in dire need of it. American Christians have been spoiled, in a way, with our religious heritage. Historically, we're the outlier. More often the church faces situations like the early Christians faced in Rome—or like the church in China and the Middle East faces today. With our strong infrastructure of missions, education, and service organizations, I hope we in the U.S. church can demonstrate to the rest of the world a new model, of pioneer settlements showing the world a different way to live, a bright contrast to the violent, competitive, self-indulgent culture around us."

To read the rest of the interview please click here.

Why You Don't Want To Be Primarily Known For What You're Against

Photo Credit: 4lfie

It is a sobering reality that in many segments of our society Christians are known more for what we are against than for what we are for. Our public demonstrations against various sins and groups that we believe to be enemies of God have left many with the impression that we Christians are simply a bunch of angry zealots with nothing better to do than to demonize others.

In a convicting and telling post, Byron Yawn outlines the reasons why we probably don't want to be known as the "angry prophet." Yawn says this:

"Of the many things I’ve learned about pastoral ministry over these years one stands out among the most helpful: There is a real danger in consistently defining yourself and your ministry by what you are against."

He then goes on to list ten dangers of defining yourself by what you're against. Though primarily directed at pastors, his admonitions could apply to any of us. Here they are:

1. You’ll forget to talk about what’s good… especially about Jesus.

2. You’ll begin to take yourself too seriously.

3. You’ll begin to preach the same sermon from every passage.

4. You’ll foster mean people.

5. You’ll eventually assemble an audience of self-congratulatory clones.

6. You’ll take all correction personally and as an unpardonable offense against “God’s man.”

7. You’ll make a terrible shepherd.

8. You’ll become the type of person you warn others about.

9. You’ll thrive on controversy.

10. People will stop listening.

Jesus instructed us that we would be primarily known as followers of Him by the love we show to one another. That doesn't mean we never seek to speak truth but it does mean that the truth we speak is motivated by love and not condemnation.

You can read Yawn's complete post here.

(h/t to Tim Challies for the link)

A Valentine's Day Reminder of God's Love

Photo Credit: hiOakie

Valentine's Day is a mixed bag. For those that are in a romantic relationship, it is a day spent demonstrating one's love for that special someone. For others it is a sad reminder of love gone wrong or love that has yet to be realized. For me, it is a combination of experiencing deep love for my wife and a haunting reminder of the loss of my brother (who passed away on this day 35 years ago).

Whatever your experience on February 14th may be, there is a comforting reality that God's love is extended to and available for us no matter what our circumstances. My favorite author, Brennan Manning, comments on God's love in his outstanding book, The Ragamuffin Gospel:

"Justification by grace through faith is the theologian's learned phrase for what Chesterton once called "the furious love of God." He is not moody or capricious; he knows no seasons of change. He has a single relentless stance toward us: he loves us. He is the only God man has ever heard of who loves sinners. False gods — the gods of human manufacturing — despise sinners, but the Father of Jesus loves all, no matter what they do. But of course this is almost too incredible for us to accept. Nevertheless, the central affirmation of the Reformation stands: through no merit of ours, but by his mercy, we have been restored to a right relationship with God through the life, death, and resurrection of his beloved Son. This is the Good News, the gospel of grace."

True and unconditional love, the type of love that God has for us, will never grow old and it will never leave. Whether you are in a dating relationship, married or unattached romantically at the moment, rest in God's love today.

A Homeless Man Finds His Voice

Photo Credit: Ben McLeod

You've probably heard the story of Ted Williams, the homeless Columbus, Ohio man with the smooth radio voice.  Williams, who had previously worked in radio before alcohol and drug problems caught up with him, was spotted by Doral Chenoweth, who works in multimedia for the Columbus Dispatch.

Chenoweth gave Williams a little money and recorded a short video of him which he eventually posted to the Dispatch website.  The clip went viral and now Williams has found work, re-established a relationship with his mother (who he hadn't seen in twenty years) and is enjoying his fifteen minutes of fame.  You can view the video below.

This chance encounter isn't all that crazy once you learn about Chenoweth and the type of person he is.  Motivated by his Christian faith, it's not uncommon for him to take time to interact with those that many pass by.  CNN.com tells his story:

"But the reason Chenoweth stopped goes deeper than his job.

It's "standard operating procedure" for him, he said, to stop and talk to people who are homeless, whether he's carrying a camera or not.

"It's part of my faith," he said after some prodding about his motivations. "You may not be able to help someone with money, but you can at least say hello, how you doing, and look at them."

About 14 years ago, Chenoweth said he was assigned to photograph a homeless ministry at New Life United Methodist Church in downtown Columbus. He was so impressed by the ability of the 50-member congregation to help the homeless that he and his wife joined.

The church's pastor said that Chenoweth routinely invites people who are homeless to the church for meals and medical attention. He's also photographed people on the street and displayed their photographs to emphasize their humanity, said the Rev. Jennifer Kimball Casto, New Life's pastor.

When asked if she was surprised by Chenoweth's action, Casto said: "Absolutely not. Doral has a special heart for people who are homeless and in need."

Chenoweth's concern for people goes beyond Columbus, and even the United States. His wife said they are regular Habitat for Humanity volunteers. They've also taken seven trips to Africa with their two children, Cassie, 12, and Kurtis, 10, to serve impoverished communities. Chenoweth has documented many of the trips on his website."

There is a story behind every face and a lot to be learned through the lives of others.  For many of us, the homeless that we see by the side of the road or on the street corner are simply ignored or disregarded.  But for those of us that are Christians, we must remember that each person has inherit value and dignity as image bearers of God.  Each person is worthy of God's love.

Over the years, I've had the opportunity to interact with a number of homeless individuals.  I'm ashamed to say that more times than not I have ignored them and went about my way.  But, through God's grace, there have been instances where I've stopped and offered money or food and, on occasion, had the opportunity to sit for awhile and hear their story.

What I've learned is that the man or woman on the street is no different than me.  They have the same sorts of hopes and dreams and needs in life.  They are someone's son or daughter.  Someone's brother or sister.  They were once a child that didn't dream that one day they'd live on the street.

The homeless are in their predicament because of a variety of reasons.  It could be drug or alcohol addiction or bad choices in life.  It may have been because of a lost job.  Or mental illness.  Or unfairly getting accused of a crime.  Or an unplanned pregnancy as a teenager where their family kicked them to the curb.

As a follower of Christ, Jesus tells me to demonstrate His love to those that I come across.  It's amazing what we can learn when we sit down and hear someone's story.  It's easy for us to decide in our mind that the homeless aren't worthy of our time and attention.  But the story of Ted Williams and Doral Chenoweth demonstrate that there's often more to the story if we stop and take the time to listen.     

Click here if the video player does not show up.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer on Cheap Grace

From the The Cost of Discipleship:

"Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ… Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has… It is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck out the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him… Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: "you were bought with a price," and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us."

Henry Cloud on Grace

Dr. Henry Cloud shares his thoughts on the topic of grace (from his book, Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of the Reality):

"We are familiar with this term in many ways, from having a "grace" period when we don’t mail the check in on time, to hearing it in hymns or descriptions of exceptional people. The usage that I like the best is a theological one with the definition "unmerited favor." Grace is when we extend "favor" to someone, not because they have earned it in some way, but because we just possess it to give. It is a stance in life, a way of being. A "person of grace" is one who does the things we have described above of being "for" and not "against," and treating others in the way that she would want to be treated. It makes for ultimate trust.

So, if you want to leave the best wake possible, leave behind a trail of people who have experienced your being "for them." I heard a man describe his boss one time this way: "She was a tough one, but I always felt she wanted me to do well. She wanted me to win, even when she was hard on me." People of grace leave others better off than how they found them, even when they were getting nothing in return."

What Baseball Taught Us About Grace & Forgiveness

Even if you're not a baseball fan, you've likely heard about the near perfect game that Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga threw last night against the Cleveland Indians at Comerica Park. For those of you that don't follow baseball, a perfect game is when a pitcher is able to pitch for nine innings without any opposing players reaching base safely. Nobody can get on base by getting a hit, earning a walk, due to an error, getting hit by a pitch or any other way. 27 up, 27 down.

During last night's game, Galarraga had managed to get the first 26 batters out when he faced Indians shortstop Jason Donald with two outs in the ninth inning. Donald hit a weak grounder to Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera, who fielded the ball cleanly and flipped it to Galarraga for what appeared to be the game's final out and the completion of Major League Baseball's 21st perfect game. But veteran umpire Jim Joyce signaled that Donald had beat the throw and called him safe at first. Immediate replays showed that Cabrera's throw beat Donald by half a step and that he should have been called out.

Although Tigers manager Jim Leyland and other teammates argued with Joyce, Galarraga turned away, smiled and proceeded to get the last out on the next hitter, Trevor Crowe. With what would have been the first perfect game in the history of the storied Detroit franchise, Galarraga could have been justifiably upset at Joyce. Few would have faulted him were he to have thrown a tantrum, kicked some dirt on Joyce and argued until he got thrown out of the game. But he didn't. He responded with grace and dignity and went back to work to finish the game.

Having watched the replay after the game, Jim Joyce humbly admitted his error and expressed his remorse towards Galarraga. In a touching move this afternoon, Jim Leyland allowed Galarraga to take the Tigers lineup out to home plate before today's game before Cleveland. The umpire that he handed the card to? None other than Jim Joyce. Galarraga had accepted his apology and they shook hands as Joyce was visibly moved.

In another nice gesture, General Motors, who has also taken their share of hits recently, presented Galarraga with a brand new Corvette for his pitching masterpiece. His display of class in choosing not to argue the call and in accepting Joyce's apology say much about the character of Armando Galarraga. He may not go down in the record books as having pitched a perfect game, but those of us that are Tiger fans will remember the perfect game he pitched and his perfect response to a difficult situation.

My friend, Nancy Bartolec, said this about the game and the response afterwards:

"I wonder if perfect is overrated. Jim Joyce is showing great character in the midst of significant personal failure and Armando Galarraga is showing great character in the midst of significant personal loss. They are both currently way more fascinating and impressive than a perfect game."

I couldn't agree more. It's unfortunate that Joyce will likely become known as the Bill Buckner of umpires and have a fine career tainted because of a single misjudgment in a moment of time. It took a big man to forgive and it took a big man to go back out on the field into a potentially hostile environment this afternoon. Thank you Armando for representing Detroit well and demonstrating what grace and forgiveness looks like and thank you to Jim Joyce for your display of humility in recognizing your mistake. I hope my fellow Detroit fans will be as quick to forgive Joyce as Galarraga has been.

The "Grace" of Giving

From the Black Voices blog on AOL.com:

Grace Groner lived as a secret millionaire in a modest, sparsely-furnished one-bedroom house. When she died at the age of 100, she shocked the world by leaving her alma mater, Lake Forest College, $7 million. It's not every day that someone donates her fortune to a worthy cause, after living a life of great financial restraint. The Chicago Tribune reports:

"Like many people who lived through the Great Depression, Grace Groner was exceptionally restrained with her money.

She got her clothes from rummage sales. She walked everywhere rather than buy a car. And her one-bedroom house in Lake Forest held little more than a few plain pieces of furniture, some mismatched dishes and a hulking TV set that appeared left over from the Johnson administration.

Her one splurge was a small scholarship program she had created for Lake Forest College, her alma mater. She planned to contribute more upon her death, and when she passed away in January, at the age of 100, her attorney informed the college president what that gift added up to.

"Oh, my God," the president said.

Groner's estate, which stemmed from a $180 stock purchase she made in 1935, was worth $7 million.

The money is going into a foundation that will enable many of Lake Forest's 1,300 students to pursue internships and study-abroad programs they otherwise might have had to forgo. It will be an appropriate memorial to a woman whose life was a testament to the higher possibilities of wealth."

A testament indeed. Grace Groner's spirit will live on through her amazing act of generosity, which will touch the lives of many students and positively influence greater society for years to come. Her act of charity is a beacon of inspiration in our trying economic times. Having lived through the Great Depression, she knew that Americans can survive anything, especially if we focus on helping each other. Although Groner was a millionaire she chose to use her money in a way that would benefit all, showing that her spiritual fortune was at least as great as her material wealth" (via The Huffington Post)

Grace Among Ragamuffins

I have been re-reading Brennan's Manning The Ragamuffin Gospel in recent days and have been reminded of the grace that God offers to me that I so often fail to accept or extend to others. It is so easy for me to fall into a performance trap when it comes to how I view myself and the manner in which I interact with those around me. But Manning so eloquently hammers home the point that "we are lovable simply because God loves us."

Although it is human nature to expect judgment when we fail, grace seems to be the better road to true life change. Manning shares the following story that illustrates what a truly gracious community looks like:

"On a sweltering summer night in New Orleans, sixteen recovering alcoholics and drug addicts gather for their weekly AA meeting. Although several members attend other meetings during the week, this is their home group. They have been meeting on Tuesday nights for several years and know each other well. Some talk to each other daily on the telephone; others socialize outside the meetings.
The personal investment in one another’s sobriety is sizable. Nobody fools anybody else. Everyone is there because he or she made a slobbering mess of his or her life and is trying to put the pieces back together. Each meeting is marked by levity and seriousness. Some members are wealthy, others middle class or poor. Some smoke, others don’t. Most drink coffee. Some have graduate degrees, others have not finished high school. For one small hour, the high and the mighty descend and the lowly rise. The result is fellowship.
The meeting opened with the Serenity Prayer followed by a moment of silence. The prologue to Alcoholics Anonymous was read from the Big Book by Harry, followed by the Twelve Steps of the program from Michelle. That night, Jack was the appointed leader.
"The theme I would like to talk about tonight is gratitude," he began, "But if anyone wants to talk about something else, let’s hear it."

Immediately Phil’s hand shot up. "As you know, last week I went up to Pennsylvania to visit family and missed the meeting. You also know I have been sober for seven years. Last Monday I got drunk and stayed drunk for five days."

The only sound in the room was the drip of Mr. Coffee in the corner.

"You all know the buzz word, H.A.L.T., in this program." he continued. "Don’t let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely, or tired or you will be very vulnerable for the first drink. The last three got to me. I unplugged the jug and . . . "

Phil’s voice choked and he lowered his head. I glanced around the table - moist eyes, tears of compassion, soft sobbing the only sound in the room.

"The same thing happened to me, Phil, but I stayed drunk for a year."

"Thank God you’re back."

"Boy, that took a lot of guts."

"Relapse spells relief, Phil," said a substance abuse counselor. "Let’s get together tomorrow and figure out what you needed relief from and why."

"I’m so proud of you."

"Hell, I never made even close to seven years."

As the meeting ended, Phil stood up. He felt a hand on his shoulder, another on his face. Then kisses on his eyes, forehead, neck and cheek. "You old ragamuffin," said Denise. "Let’s go. I’m treating you to a banana split at Tastee Freeze."

It is those that have traveled the road of hardship that are the most likely to understand the pain of others. God's grace is afforded to even those of us that are the lowliest of ragamuffins.

Exhibiting Social Grace

Some wise words from my friend, Gilbert...

The Scriptures talk about three kinds of witness.

1. The witness of our words.
2. The witness of our actions.
3. Our witness as the body of Christ.

Have you ever been in these situations?

• You go out to eat with friends and one person is really rough with the server? It seems to go beyond the quality of the food. I have been embarrassed by the lack of respect that I have seen some Christians treat those who serve us.
• You are riding with someone and they cut another off in traffic? Last week, someone followed me out of the church parking lot and I watched them lay on the horn toward another driver. It seemed unwarranted. Would they have been as aggressive if they weren’t so anonymous behind a wheel?
  
• What about situations where you thought a simple “Thank you!”, “Please.” or “Excuse me.” would have been the obvious thing to say and it did not happen?

I often wonder where manners went, why we lack social graces in our dealings with others and why we neglect the little things that show respect for the other person. The little things, like a kindness, a smile and common courtesy make such a difference in whether a person enjoys being around us or would rather not. My wife always asks the person doing check out in the grocery store how his or her day is going. Chris says she wants to leave them more encouraged than drained from having spent that moment with her.

Now here is why I am talking about this. We will be more effective witnesses as we reflect Christ in how we treat others. So often people don’t regard our message about Christ because our lifestyle doesn’t match our words. Paul says to the Thessalonians in his first epistle to them. “You know how we lived among you for your sake.” (1:5b) Are we salt and light? Do they see something different in how we treat others?

But more than the witness of our words, our witness as the body of Christ is enhanced when the non-Christian comes into our fellowship. Do they see something different there? Jesus says, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35. The body mode in our evangelism model is even more strategic today in light of the need for others to belong on the way to believing. With the breakdown of the family, we need to teach the social graces that used to be taught at home. We provide valuable interpersonal skills when we do.

I have been reading a devotional this year, Wisdom for the Way, about selected writings from Chuck Swindoll. In a selection entitled “Helping the World on to God”, Swindoll quotes Matthew 5:16, “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Then Swindoll comments,

“[The world] will see “your good works,” Jesus said. Like what?

They will hear your courtesy.
They will detect your smile.
They will notice that you stop to thank them.
They will hear you apologize when you are wrong.
They will see you help them when they are struggling.
They will notice that you are the one who stopped along the road and gave them a hand.
They will see every visible manifestation of Christ’s life being normally lived out through you. They will see all that and they “will glorify your Father who is in heaven”
We are the ones who help the world on to God.”

I am sure that there are many of you who have some simple messages that teach practical ways to respect others, describes common courtesy and social graces and, generally, what it means to be kind to others. Let’s help each other create ministries that are more inviting places for the non-Christian and, in so doing, our evangelism will be more effective."

Bono on Grace

I joined with a few other men from our church last night for a small group Bible study. The content of what we covered was very familiar material for me as it was stuff that I have gone through dozens of time to help others get established in their relationship with God. It is the core, foundational truths of how our sins are forgiven, how our relationship with God is established and the difference between placing our faith in Christ versus trusting our own good works.

But what is good to remember is that I will never be mature enough and be old enough in my faith to have "moved beyond" the foundational beliefs of Christianity. It is always good to revisit this basic material because it is easy for us to think we've got it down and don't need the gospel anymore. But the truth is that the gospel is for believers as well as non-believers. I need to be reminded each and every day that apart from Christ, I am a sinner dead in my transgressions, but that God's tremendous love offers another way.

Our group camped out on Ephesians 2:8,9 for a bit and discussed the concept of grace. With it being a free gift and unmerited favor, grace is something that is hard for our brains to wrap around. It just doesn't make sense that in spite of our ourselves and our own sin and shortcomings, God still offers this free gift.

When thinking about grace, my mind took me to an interview that I read in which Bono, the lead singer of pop group U2, shares about his Christian faith. While some Christians question the sincerity of Bono's faith, I think this interview clearly shows that he is a devoted follower of Christ and that he actually understands the gospel message better than most. Some highlights:

"But the way we would see it, those of us who are trying to figure out our Christian conundrum, is that the God of the Old Testament is like the journey from stern father to friend. When you're a child, you need clear directions and some strict rules. But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship, for, as in the Old Testament, it was more one of worship and awe, a vertical relationship. The New Testament, on the other hand, we look across at a Jesus who looks familiar, horizontal. The combination is what makes the Cross."

"It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people..."

"You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that 'as you reap, so you will sow' stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff... I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity."

"The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That's the point. It should keep us humbled… . It's not our own good works that get us through the gates of heaven."

You can read the rest of the interview here.

Technorati Tags: bono, u2, christianity, grace

Grace in Action

I've recently begun reading Philip Yancey's book, What's So Amazing About Grace? and have been especially challenged by the difficulty of actually living out what I say I believe in regard to the concept of grace. For instance, I'd like to think that in the story of The Prodigal Son that I identify more closely with the father, but, in reality, I think I'm more like the older brother. I find that oftentimes I am more concerned with receiving what I think I deserve rather than being more concerned with extending God's love to others.

So I was profoundly encouraged and pleasantly surprised to recently see a tangible demonstration of grace displayed in front of over 30 million people on national television on a recent episode of Fox's American Idol. In the initial auditions of the contestants, Simon Cowell, the popular sharp-tongued judge, made some mean comments toward one of the contestants, Mandisa, regarding her weight. However, Mandisa is a quite talented singer and she advanced through the early rounds. As of last week, the judges had narrowed the field down to 44 remaining singers and they then whittled the singers down to the final 24.

In order to communicate their decision to the contestants, the judges (Simon, Paula & Randy) met with each of the 44 finalists to let them know if they had advanced or if it was the end of the road for them. Enter Mandisa. As she sat down to hear whether the judges had decided that she had advanced in the competition, she had this to say first:

"Simon, a lot of people want me to say a lot of things to you, but this is what I want to say to you. It's that yes, you hurt me, and I cried, and it was painful, it really was, but I want you to know that I've forgiven you, and that you don't need somebody to apologize in order to forgive somebody, and I figure that if Jesus could die so that all of my wrongs could be forgiven, I can certainly extend that same grace to you so I just wanted you to know."
Simon replied "Mandisa, I'm humbled..."

If you are a viewer of American Idol, you know that many times contestants lash out towards the judges with anger, foul language and emotional outbursts (sometimes with their parents standing by them spurring them on). So Mandisa's humble display was a perfect example of grace. Because Simon was inexcusably and unnecessarily mean towards her, Mandisa had every right (in a wordly mindset) to say something mean or cruel back to him. But in a composed and thoughtful gesture, she publicly forgave him and acknowledged that Jesus' death on the cross and the suffering that He went through for her sins (and for mine...and for yours) was much bigger than some snide comments from Simon Cowell.

So often I shudder and hide my eyes when Christians are portrayed on T.V., but this time I was proud of the example of one of my sisters. I know I'll be hoping that Mandisa goes far and continues to represent our Lord well in front of the American Idol audience. You can look at Mandisa's profile here.