What Playboy Doesn't Have Right About Sex

Photo Credit: photobunny

In a sex-saturated society such as ours, it should come as no surprise that many of us have a messed up view of our sexuality. In a culture that seems to prize sex above all else, how is it that so many problems we face revolve around this issue?

In a new article posted on Kyria.com, Les Parrot tackles this complicated topic in a piece entitled "Sex as Sacred." Examining the influence that Playboy and its founder, Hugh Hefner, have had on our society, Parrot unpacks God's intentions for our sexuality.

He says this:

"Hugh Hefner thinks of himself as a prophet, even a missionary, who has led America out of sexual repression into a new era of sexual freedom. He never admits that it is all based on a lie—probably because he was too intoxicated on his own hedonistic hysteria to even notice. He never figured out that the sexually liberated society he envisioned, and that we now live in, is built on a warped and distorted attitude toward sex. 

By the standards of today's "liberated" man, the purpose of sex is personal pleasure—and women, along with pornography or whatever else strikes his fancy—are to be used as a means to achieving it. In Hef's world women are merely sexual playthings for male fantasies. Hefner, in his drive to free us from sexual self-restraint and modesty, has neglected to figure out the true purpose and pleasure of sex. 

Of course, that's understandable. He's not looking for it. He's not attempting to live his life by God's standards. Quite the contrary. He even scoffs at the idea of sexual morality. He doesn't care to be honorable and monogamous in his sex life. But you and I do. And that's why, for us, the purpose of sex is paramount. 

...When we sever the connection of sex from the sacred, we neglect our spiritual longings. The French sociologist Jacques Ellul saw our modern fixation with sex as the symptom of a breakdown in intimacy. Having detached the physical act of sex from relationship, we become spiritually bankrupt. And I've worked with enough men in my counseling office to see firsthand the desperate looks of loneliness and despair when men have compulsively reduced sex to simple self-gratification. It's inevitable when we neglect the sacred aspect of the gift of sex."

God is not against sex. In fact, he invented it. But when we seek to find sexual fulfillment outside of his intended plans, we miss out on all that God had in mind when He created humans as unique sexual beings. We find ourselves searching outside of God's design to fulfill our need for physical pleasure, even though this quest often leaves us feeling heartbroken and empty.

As the great British writer, C.S. Lewis, said in "The Weight of Glory":

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

The Church's Dirty Little Secret: Christians & Porn

Photo Credit: Ayelie

From CNN.com:

"He is a good Christian, Michael is telling his two therapists. He goes to church most Sundays. He’s a devoted husband and father of two daughters.

“But when I would leave on business trips,” he says, “I knew I was going to get to be someone else. Prostitutes, porn - I took anything I wanted.”

Sitting on a comfortable, worn couch, Michael glances out the window and sees a reflection of himself set against the parking lot of this suburban Atlanta office building. He fidgets, runs his fingers over his closely cropped blond hair and straightens his green tennis polo. He clears his throat.

Above his head hangs a poster covered in words describing feelings - angry, anxious, sad. On it is a big yellow cross. Therapists Richard Blankenship and Mark Richardson wear solemn but empathetic expressions. Certified counselors and Christian ministers, they tell him they know how to listen and nod for him to continue.

“I’ve had a record of purity since March when I confessed to my wife,” says Michael, whose name has been changed by CNN.com to protect his privacy. “No porn, no masturbation.”

“Awesome,” Richardson says, leaning forward in his chair. “God knows you’re trying.”

This is Michael’s second week at “Faithful and True – Atlanta” a 16-week counseling program that, like dozens of others like it around the country, combines traditional psychotherapy with the Bible in an attempt to treat addictive behavior.

Blankenship, a devout Christian who once struggled with sexual abuse, says his own ordeal has helped him to treat and “graduate” nearly 500 Christian men and women with similar addictions in the last five years. He says he has helped people achieve what he calls “sobriety,” which means resisting porn and lustful thoughts.

Though controversial in secular circles, much of the evangelical Christian world has been cheering this relatively new kind of therapy. Many believers, including many Christian leaders, consider it a powerful tool for fighting what they say is one of the modern church’s biggest problems: porn addiction."

To read the complete article please click here.

How The Selling Of Sex Is Destroying Our World

Photo Credit: @sahxic < twitter

We live in a sex-saturated society and the selling of sex is destroying our world. Look at what Newsweek has to say:

"Men of all ages, races, religions, and backgrounds do it. Rich men do it, and poor men do it, in forms so varied and ubiquitous that they can be summoned at a moment’s notice.

And yet surprisingly little is known about the age-old practice of buying sex, long assumed to be inevitable. No one even knows what proportion of the male population does it; estimates range from 16 percent to 80 percent. “Ninety-nine percent of the research in this field has been done on prostitutes, and 1 percent has been done on johns,” says Melissa Farley, director of Prostitution Research and Education, a nonprofit organization that is a project of San Francisco Women’s Centers.

A clinical psychologist, Farley studies prostitution, trafficking, and sexual violence, but even she wasn’t sure how representative her results were. “The question has always remained: are all our findings true of just sex buyers, or are they true of men in general?” she says.

In a new study released exclusively to NEWSWEEK, “Comparing Sex Buyers With Men Who Don’t Buy Sex,” Farley provides some startling answers. Although the two groups share many attitudes about women and sex, they differ in significant ways illustrated by two quotes that serve as the report’s subtitle.

One man in the study explained why he likes to buy prostitutes: “You can have a good time with the servitude,” he said. A contrasting view was expressed by another man as the reason he doesn’t buy sex: “You’re supporting a system of degradation,” he said.

And yet buying sex is so pervasive that Farley’s team had a shockingly difficult time locating men who really don’t do it. The use of pornography, phone sex, lap dances, and other services has become so widespread that the researchers were forced to loosen their definition in order to assemble a 100-person control group.

“We had big, big trouble finding nonusers,” Farley says. “We finally had to settle on a definition of non-sex-buyers as men who have not been to a strip club more than two times in the past year, have not purchased a lap dance, have not used pornography more than one time in the last month, and have not purchased phone sex or the services of a sex worker, escort, erotic masseuse, or prostitute.”

Many experts believe the digital age has spawned an enormous increase in sexual exploitation; today anyone with access to the Internet can easily make a “date” through online postings, escort agencies, and other suppliers who cater to virtually any sexual predilection. The burgeoning demand has led to a dizzying proliferation of services so commonplace that many men don’t see erotic massages, strip clubs, or lap dances as forms of prostitution. “The more the commercial sex industry normalizes this behavior, the more of this behavior you get,” says Norma Ramos, executive director of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW)."

For many that engage in the solicitation of the services of prostitutes and for those that participate in the use of pornography, it may feel like their behavior is innocent fun. However, research shows that nothing could be further from the truth. Look at the following facts from International Justice Mission (IJM):

- The total market value of illicit human trafficking is estimated to be in excess of $32 billion (U.N.)

- Each year, more than 2 million children are exploited in the global commercial sex trade (UNICEF)

- 27 million men, women and children are held as slaves. (Kevin Bales, Disposable People)

- 1 in 5 women is a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. (U.N. Development Fund for Women)

The commercialization of sex is not only destructive to our culture but it ruins millions of lives every year.  Don't be fooled. If you are personally involved in sexually addictive behavior please click here for help. 

Or perhaps you can help those affected by the sex trade by getting involved in the work of IJM by going here.

To read the complete Newsweek article, "The John Next Door", click here.

Qur'an Burnings, Porn Stars & WWJD

Photo Credit: Tobey_Cat

Several years ago a popular trend swept through modern Christian circles as a number of people began sporting simple cloth bracelets with four initials imprinted upon them -- WWJD ("What Would Jesus Do?"). The bracelets were inspired by Charles Sheldon's 1896 book, In His Steps, in which members of a fictional town committed to not do anything for a year without first asking themselves what Jesus would do in the same situation.  Although the bracelets have waned in popularity, I think present events dictate that the question still needs to be asked.  What would Jesus do?

A little-known pastor with a fairly small congregation in Gainesville, Florida has ignited a media firestorm over his plans to hold a public burning of the Qur'an, the holy book of the Muslim faith.  Although Rev. Terry Jones has said that he believes he is following God's will, a number of Christians and public officials have condemned his plans.  Just as many Christians have expected Muslim clerics to publicly condemn acts of terrorism and hatred, we Christians should let it be known that we oppose the actions of those that act in the name of our God, yet do so contrary to our faith.

To burn a book that Muslims revere will only inflame the tensions between Christians and Muslims around the world and make genuine dialogue more difficult.  It is true that Muslims and Christians have many disagreements.  We do not view Christ in the same way, we have different views on the Bible and the Qur'an and we do not see salvation in the same manner.  But book burning never changed a heart and insults only make things more difficult.  California pastor Rick Warren said this about the matter on his Twitter account, ""Book burning is a cowardly act by those afraid their beliefs aren't strong enough to attract if people are allowed a choice."

If Pastor Jones were genuinely sincere in his desire to see Muslims come to the Christian faith, there are better ways for him to see that happen.  He could look to the example of Craig Gross, the founder of XXXchurch.com, a Christian ministry founded to help deliver people from the bondage of pornography and sexual sin.  Gross recently wrote a provocative piece for CNN.com entitled "Jesus loves porn stars", in which he shares how he has built a genuine friendship with Ron Jeremy, a well-known figure in the adult entertainment industry.

Since he's opposed to the porn industry, Gross could destroy porn DVD's, try to shut down websites and protest at industry conventions.  But he's taken a much different approach.  Gross has gotten to know Jeremy through a nationwide tour that they have done together on college campuses as they have debated the place of pornography in our culture.  Naturally, Gross has received a lot of flack from a number of folks in Christian circles that feel uncomfortable talking about sex and some look down upon him because he's actually friends with a porn star.  But Gross is in good company.  Jesus himself was derided as a "friend of sinners" and although others called him that in contempt, it is an accurate description.

Jesus hung with those that were considered the scourge of his society (the prostitutes and tax collectors) but he loved them just the same.  Craig Gross has a challenging perspective on his relationship with Ron Jeremy:

"We are opponents on stage but off stage we are great friends. That's really what this is about. Jesus dined with tax collectors and befriended prostitutes. I don't want to be known as the guy who debates Ron, I'd rather be known as the guy who loves Ron."

Gross pulls no punches in his views on pornography. He feels it is evil and destroys lives. He hates porn. But he loves porn stars.  I wonder if Terry Jones took a different approach to Islam if things might turn out differently.  He wouldn't generate worldwide media coverage but inviting a local imam to dinner might be more effective than the approach he's currently planning on taking.  But I get the feeling that he's probably not interested in that.  He seems more concerned with expressing his disdain for Islam rather than God's love for Muslims.

So what would Jesus do?  It's certainly a good question to ask ourselves...

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UPDATE: Apparently Pastor Terry Jones has had a change of heart and has canceled his planned Qur'an burning.  While this is certainly an answer to prayer, his condition of doing so is based on a change plans of the proposed "Ground Zero" mosque in New York.  Stay tuned for more details.

Internet Porn Statistics

Here are some shocking statistics about online pornography use. Graphic is courtesy of OnlineMBA.com:


Via: Online MBA

(h/t to the Breaking Free blog)

John Mayer on Porn and Relationships

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The Subtle Pull of Pornography

In a troubled and struggling American economy, there is one industry that seems to be in no danger of loss of revenue. And that would be the business of pornography. According to Family Safe Media, the porn industry generated over 13 billion in profits for 2006. If that doesn't shock you, that is more than the COMBINED revenue of Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink for that year!

Some other startling statistics:

- There are 4.2 million pornographic websites, which is 12% of total websites.

- Almost 43% of Internet users view porn on a regular basis.

- 20% of men admit to accessing pornography at work.

- 90% of 8-16 year olds having viewed porn online, most while doing their homework.

- Every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on and 28,258 Internet users are viewing porn.

- Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the United States.

If these statistics are unsettling for you, they should be. So how did such a generally frowned upon practice become so commonplace within American culture? The website, Breaking Free, recently wrote about the history of porn within human civilization. From drawings on cave walls to the invention of the Gutenberg Press to the photographic camera to movies, Playboy and VCR's to the present Internet age, makers of pornography have remained on the cutting edge of technology in order to offer their product to an all-too-willing public.

Sadly, Christians often find themselves caught in the web of pornography as well. According to that same Family Safe Media study mentioned earlier, 53% of men involved with Promise Keepers viewed porn within the last week. And porn is not just affecting men. In a poll conducted by ChristaNet.com, 20% of Christian women are addicted to pornography.

Because of the widespread use of the Internet and the ease of accessing pornography, even unintentionally, a growing number of people are developing addictive patterns to porn that are affecting their personal lives, families and work. Were it not for addressing my own struggles in this area shortly after entering adulthood, I shudder to think of where it could have led.

I know too many Christian men that are truly seeking to live a godly life affected by this issue to think that any of us are immune from this struggle. Even those of us that serve in vocational Christian ministry are affected. In fact, a couple of courageous Christian artists, Clay Crosse and Kirk Franklin, have been vocal about their own struggles with porn and the healing that God has brought in their life with this issue.

So why does porn get so many into its grip? Walter Kendrick, author of The Secret Museum: Pornography in Modern Culture, has this to say:

"Pornography is always unsatisfied. It’s always a substitute for the contact between two bodies, so there’s a drive behind it that doesn’t exist in other genres. Pornographers have been the most inventive and resourceful users of whatever medium comes along because they and their audience have always wanted innovations. Pornographers are excluded from the mainstream channels, so they look around for something new, and the audience has a desire to try any innovation that gives them greater realism or immediacy."

A casual look at a magazine can lead to perusal on the Internet which can lead to videos and then onto strip clubs and even prostitutes. It is a never ending cycle once the claws of porn have gripped your mind and heart. Like any other addiction, those in bondage to pornography need help from others to find deliverance and healing. If you're someone that is currently struggling with an addiction to porn, I encourage you to read this article by Gene McConnell or visit Pure Online. Then talk to someone you trust that can aid you getting the help you need. If there is not someone in your life that you feel like you can talk to, feel free to shoot me a message.