Weekly Web Roundup (6/10/17)

Photo Credit: pennstatenews

Here is a collection of items from around the web that caught my attention the past few weeks:

How "Race Tests" Maintain Evangelical Segregation by Joshua L. Lazard (Religion Dispatches)

"As the Bracey/Moore study alludes to, these evangelical churches are spaces that on paper claim that, to put it colloquially, “race doesn’t matter,” or “It doesn’t matter what color Jesus is.” But obviously it does. Reality shows that ecclesiastical segregation is a sociological trend that exists beyond just white evangelical churches. It also includes congregations and denominations that are decidedly liberal and stand at the opposite end of the theological spectrum. Studies have shown time and time again that this segregation has held true for a multiplicity of reasons. While these reasons range from the difference of praise and worship style and doctrinal differences, to residential segregation or the preference of non-whites creating affirming spaces of their own, white liberal churches aren’t excused from being a part of white institutional spaces as defined by this study."

Being Black, a Woman and an Evangelical by Natasha Sistrunk Robinson (Missio Alliance)

"For those black people who are conscious of this American history and still desire to remain true to the scriptural principles of evangelicalism, it costs us something to present ourselves as evangelical. For the most part, we are able to confidently make this claim because we have been trained in evangelical institutions, we love Jesus and the Good Book, and we believe in the gospel as the ministry of reconciliation. It also means that we often find ourselves leading and ministering in predominately white spaces, churches and institutions. It means that we are often one of a few ethnic minorities within white evangelicalism challenging the thoughts and actions surrounding diversity (or most often the lack thereof), racial reconciliation and biblical justice. We are often on tap to contribute to conversations but rarely on payroll to make decisions."

Considering (and Surviving) Unhealthy Christian Organizations, part 1 by Ed Stetzer (Christianity Today: The Exchange)

"Many times, the leader gets a pass for the fruit of his/her leadership because of some overwhelming characteristic: preaching ability, intelligence, ability to woo others, or more. Yet, the fruit remains below-- a culture toxic to all who swim downstream. The leader is often seen (from the outside) as a great leader, but those inside know him/her as someone who is, well, more concerned about outside appearance than godly leadership."

Sports Spectrum Podcast Interview with Ernie Johnson

The personal story of NBA on TNT studio host Ernie Johnson is powerful. As someone that became a Christian later in life, his family's journey of faith through cancer, adoption and other challenges related to their special needs child is challenging. This interview with Jason Romano is worth a listen.

Are You Married to Your Smartphone? by Dave Boehi (Family Life)

"Adjusting to new forms of technology is nothing new. Just think how telephones and automobiles changed our culture. Or air-conditioning. Radio, television, computers, and many other new inventions sparked significant changes in our culture and in the way we related to our family and friends. But the pace of change since 1995 has been breathtaking. We’ve seen the emergence of the internet and of mobile phones, and then the convergence of the two in 2006 with smartphones. We can now be plugged in wherever we are, 24/7. The technology is evolving so quickly that most of us are barely aware of how our behavior is changing and our relationships are affected. As one reader wrote after I wrote about this issue a few years ago, “These mobile devices can take over your life.” Another said, “I understand technology has its advantages, but we are being ruled by the technology rather than using it as a tool.”

How the Internet is Changing Friendship (The Atlantic)

Weekly Web Roundup (4/15/17)

Photo Credit:
World Bank Photo Collection

Here is a collection of items from around the web that caught my attention over this past week:

'What a total God shot!' Understand that? Then you speak Christianese by Patrick Cox (PRI.org)

"This religious dialect is spoken by increasing numbers of English-speaking Christians, especially evangelicals. And it isn't just deployed for Bible study. Everyday non-religious conversation is also sprinkled with words from the scriptures, and phrases popularized by charismatic preachers and writers. So for example, instead of "results," you might hear a Christianese speaker refer to "fruits." Instead of "thoughtful," "intentional." Christanese can also depart slightly from English grammar: "My friend spoke into my life." "I was called to move to Nicaragua." It's code, a useful way for believers to seek out like-minded people."

Who Would Jesus Abort? Confessions of a “Christian” Abortion Doctor by Russell Moore

"The biggest hurdle, though, for Parker, is to redefine life itself. Like many in the abortion movement, Parker scoffs at the possibility of fetal personhood because the child is small, “no bigger, from crown to rump, than the first two digits of my pinkie finger,” and because the child cannot live, in most cases, on his or her own outside the womb. He seems to recognize though that lack of size and lack of power won’t be persuasive on their own, so he continues to what he sees as the real problem: the idea that life is “a miracle.” Parker writes that to say that “conception, or birth, or even death is ‘miraculous’ does an injustice to God.” Life is, instead, he argues, merely “a process.” As I read this abortion doctor’s repeated inveighing against the metaphor of “miracle” for human life, I could not help but be reminded of Wendell Berry’s manifesto against scientism and materialism, which he says demotes humanity from creature to machine. The rejection of the miracle of life, Berry wrote, leaves us with the coldness of abstraction."

How Single Women Became an Unstoppable Force in Bible Translation by Kate Shellnutt (Christianity Today)

"Though women in Bible translation are well represented in the field, they remain underrepresented in leadership positions. In recent years, SIL has worked to bring more women into administrative leadership, believing that “God works through women and men of every ethnic group and age level, and calls them to be involved in leadership roles in all facets of our organizational life.” Women mostly feel free to focus on the work they were called to in the first place—getting more people access to the Bible in their own languages—but the pressure’s still there. Everyone on the mission field works hard and sacrifices much; women may notice themselves working extra hard to demonstrate their contributions."

How Isiah Thomas became the greatest Detroit Piston ever by Bill Dow (Detroit Free Press)

"And then there was Isiah Lord Thomas III, the player whose impact turned around the once floundering franchise and laid the foundation for the construction of one of the premier arenas in basketball, especially for its time. Thomas blossomed into the Pistons' fearless leader during his career, cementing a legacy befitting of his middle name. During his 13-year career, he established himself as one of the greatest “small men” in NBA history. A dangerous shooter and spectacular playmaker, he still is the franchise’s all-time leader in points (18,822), assists (9,061), steals (1,861) and minutes played (35,516). The 12-time All-Star was inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in 2000 and was named to the NBA’s 50th Anniversary All-Time team. “Simply put, Isiah Thomas was the difference maker and the key to the franchise’s success,” says Tom Wilson, the former Pistons president and CEO and right-hand man to the late club owner Bill Davidson. Wilson was the project manager of the Palace and first suggested the pioneering concourse-level suites. The arena opened in 1988. “Internally," Wilson said, "we called the Palace 'The House that Isiah Built.' "

That's My King Dr. S.M. Lockridge

In honor of the commemoration and celebration of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ that Christians around the worldwide recognize this weekend, here's a video that reminds us about the King of Kings.

Weekly Web Roundup (2/25/17)

Photo Credit: Marco Nürnberger

Here is a collection of items from around the web that caught my attention this past week:

In the time you spend on social media each year, you could read 200 books by Charles Chu (Quartz)

"Here’s the simple truth behind reading a lot of books: It’s not that hard. We have all the time we need. The scary part—the part we all ignore—is that we are too addicted, too weak, and too distracted to do what we all know is important… All it takes to start reading a lot more is to take “empty time” spent Twitter-stalking celebrities or watching Desperate Housewives and convert some of it to reading time. The theory is simple. It’s the execution that’s hard."

Why Your Denomination Is Segregated (Christianity Today)

"Not all denominations’ equally reached enslaved people with their message, says Eric Washington, a history professor at Calvin College. The “stodgy” and “erudite” tradition of Anglicanism didn’t resonate as broadly—although former Methodist Absalom Jones was ordained as the first African American Episcopalian priest by the end of the 18th century. In contrast, many African slaves were drawn to Methodism’s theological emphasis on born-again conversions and total depravity and its preachers’ open-air, multiethnic services, says Washington. “[In Methodism,] there was no education requirement to be an exhorter or lay preacher,” said Washington, who is also the director of Calvin’s African and African Diaspora Studies. “So enslaved men who had a recognized gift to preach or exhort—they were encouraged in that.”"

Being Prophetic Without Being a Self-Righteous Know-It-All by Dennis R. Edwards (Missio Alliance)

"Being a prophet often means being rejected—for what one says and does for God, not for being a jerk! Furthermore, biblical prophets were known as godly people. That same Elijah is hailed as an example of one who knew how to pray (Jas 5:17). God constantly reminds me of the importance of cultivating an inner life that glorifies God. I know I will never pray well enough or fast consistently enough, or spend enough time in silence, or meditate enough…but I’ll keep trying. It was when Elijah was depressed that he took a pilgrimage to Mt. Horeb and heard God’s gentle voice. Prophets hear from God as we pursue God."

The Single Voice (Yo Soy Kristy)

"What this means is that as ministry leaders seek to diversify their organizations-with speakers at conferences, VP’s on executive teams, or simply diverse leadership at all levels- they tend to only want ONE person from certain ethnic groups to be their token minority. What this creates is a scarcity mentality among minorities who are all vying for that one space. It ends up pitting women of color against one another. Rather than fighting to make room for more of us, we often quietly shut the leadership door behind us, secretly glad we got the spotlight for that moment."

Give Your Kids the Gift of Absence by Amy Julia Becker (Christianity Today)

"Jesus sent his disciples out into the villages without him so they could learn about leadership, make mistakes, and return to him to learn more. As parents, we too can send our kids out into the backyard, the neighborhood, or the woods so they can make mistakes and grow. We can send them to school with incomplete homework, send them to our friends to talk through problems, and, when our own resources prove inadequate, send them to the church (and other communities) for equipping."

Weekly Web Roundup (1/28/17)

Photo Credit: avidaebella

Here is a collection of items from around the web that caught my attention this past week:

Tired in the Tension: My Reflections on Today’s March (Yo Soy Kristy)

"I live in two very different worlds. I live in a world where friends who follow Jesus saw their march today as a living out of gospel values in both word and deed, even if they disagreed with parts of the platform as Christian women and men. I also live in a world where, to other friends, it was unfathomable that any true follower of Jesus would march next to anyone who thought killing babies was okay. To them, it was a politically liberal march with a liberal agenda. It was a bunch of angry women wearing pink hats yelling about vaginas. That’s it."

The Lonely Path of Racial Reconciliation for Minorities by Jarvis Williams (RAAN)

In this article, Dr. Williams highlights some of the very real challenges that ethnic minority Christians face when seeking to reach across racial and cultural lines.

3 Ways Some Churches Grow Without Getting Bigger by Karl Vaters (Christianity Today)

"In many developing nations, large churches don’t fit the culture or meet the needs of the people. So, instead of getting bigger, church growth means planting new congregations in nearby neighborhoods or villages. In fact, in the places where the church is growing as percentage of the population, it is far more likely to be happening by the multiplication of smaller congregations than by the building of larger ones. Growth by multiplication is the way it’s done for many within the house church movement, too. If the gathering gets large, they split off to new houses. This type of growth is not limited to developing nations and house churches. If your church hasn’t been seeing the kind of "butts-in-the-seats" growth you’ve expected, this may be a new way for you to look at growth."

Set of 30 Bible Stories about Honor & Shame (HonorShame)

For those of us that have grown up in the Western World, we can tend to look at our faith and relationship with God through more of a "guilt/innocence" mindset. For many that come from a more Eastern cultural background, though, an "honor/shame" framework might be more dominant. Here is a list of a number Bible stories that can be viewed through the honor/shame lens.

Reflecting on T4G’s “The Future of the Asian American Church by Andrew Ong (Reformed Margins)

"I understand that the specific question, “Are ethnic churches legitimate and biblically faithful in multiethnic contexts?” was not posed. However, wasn’t that what most of us were hoping to hear discussed? I felt like that question was skirted. Yes, Dr. Jue helpfully laid out why the Asian American church has value and what it could do for the sake of mission. However, all these things could easily applied to Asian American Christians individuals. Why do we specifically need Chinese and/or Korean churches? Ecclesiology was sorely lacking from the discussion. What does it mean for “the church” to be multiethnic? Are we talking about local churches, the universal church, or somehow both? And if both, how should that shape our discussions concerning multi-ethnicity and the church?"

How the Nazis Took Control of Germany by Peter Hayes (The Daily Beast)

"The key to understanding the transformation of Germans’ behavior is straightforward: power magnifies the ideas of those who hold it. Power enabled the Nazi regime to unleash the haters, to intimidate the squeamish, and to change the moral valence of prejudice from something frowned upon to something glorified as patriotic. Once that happened, individual self-interest took care of the rest. Above all, power enabled the propagandists for Nazism to divide the world relentlessly into Us vs. Them and to shut down more nuanced perspectives. To Germans, the world became a perpetual struggle between poor, virtuous, and victimized Us, and malevolent, conspiratorial, and implacable Them. In such an unforgiving environment, all means of self-defense were justified, including preemptively striking Them—taking their rights away, concentrating them in camps and ghettos, wiping them out—before they supposedly had a chance to do their worst."

Weekly Web Roundup (10/1/16)

Photo Credit: Brook Ward

Here are some interesting stories from around the web that I've seen during this past week:

4 Principles for Political Witness in our American Babylon by Bruce Ashford (The Gospel Coalition)

"Similarly, evangelicals shouldn’t submit to the false political gods that flourish and abound in the United States of America. How do we identify the “false gods” in our own nation? We look for anything raised to a level of ultimacy that God alone occupies."

Is Columbus Day Going Extinct? by Lizzie Crocker (The Daily Beast)

"Businesses in the entire state of Alaska, however, will be closed for Indigenous Peoples Day, after Gov. Bill Walker renamed the holiday last year. The city of Cambridge, Massachusetts, will also celebrate its first Indigenous Peoples’ Day, after the City Council voted unanimously in June to change the name of a holiday whose namesake, they decided, was not worthy of celebrating."

Black Women Are Leaning In And Getting Nowhere by Emily Peck (The Huffington Post)

"Part of the problem is “invisibility,” Purdie-Vaughns writes. When the average person thinks of a “woman leader,” she argues, the image that comes to mind is a white woman ― like Sandberg. If you picture a black leader, you’re more likely to think of a black man than a black woman. “Because black women are not seen as typical of the categories ‘black’ or ‘woman,’ people’s brains fail to include them in both categories,” Purdie-Vaughns writes. “Black women suffer from a ‘now you see them now you don’t’ effect in the workplace.”"

Yes, You Should Say Something: Overcoming Awkwardness with Grieving People by Nancy Guthrie (The Gospel Coalition)

"It’s not up to you to say something that answers the significant questions they’re asking. Those take some time to work through, and if they sense your willingness to linger with them a bit in the midst of the questions rather than offer simplistic answers, they’re more likely to want to explore them with you down the road. It’s not up to you to recommend the book they need to read, the counselor they need to see, the drug they need to take. You don’t have to provide a framework for thinking and feeling their way through their loss. Really, you just have to show up and say little. What they need more than someone with a lot of words is someone with a willingness to listen without judgment, someone who seems to be entering into their hurting world for the long haul of grief."

How Should Universities Atone for Their Past Mistakes? by Alia Wong (The Atlantic)

"While black enrollment at colleges and universities has increased dramatically in the last two decades, the share of students at top-tier institutions who are African American has actually dropped. Fewer than 4 percent of students at the most competitive colleges in the United States come from the nation’s lowest socioeconomic quartile. Statues, seals, and buildings continue to honor people who embraced slavery and sought to keep these kinds of students out."

How Did Hitler Rise to Power? : New TED-ED Animation Provides a Case Study in How Fascists Get Democratically Elected (Open Culture)

On Black Women & Marriage

Photo Credit: godserv

From The Economist:

"The collapse of marriage among blacks is well documented, but not the sexual, psychological, emotional and social toll this has taken on black women. Seven out of ten are single. Of the others, many are forced into "man-sharing." 

This crisis in the black “relationship market,” as Mr Banks calls it, starts with a “man shortage.” About one in ten black men in their early thirties are in prison. As a group, black men have also fallen behind in education and income, just as black women have surged ahead. Two black women graduate from college for every black man. As these women rise into the middle class, the men stay in the lower class, becoming less compatible. 

Many black women respond by “marrying down, but not out,” as Mr Banks puts it. But that makes bad marriages. Two out of every three black marriages fail, about twice the rate of white marriages. 

The real problem is the behaviour of those few black men who are considered good catches. They often stay unmarried for the opposite reason: they have too many options. As one man told Mr Banks: “If you have four quality women you’re dating and they’re in a rotation, who’s going to rush into a marriage?” Even black men who nominally commit to one woman are five times as likely as their white counterparts to have others on the side."

To read the rest of the article please click here.

In my ministry within the black community, I've seen some of these realities and, unfortunately, with some individuals very close to me. But I've also personally witnessed numerous successful marriages between African Americans.

If you are an African American man or woman, what is your response to this article? What solutions can be offered to reverse these current trends?

Why Single Women Need To Wait For The Right Man

Photo Credit: de.laina

Here are some challenging thoughts from Ruthie Dean urging single women to wait on the right mate by being the right mate:

"As women, I believe we in part perpetuate the man-boy problem by failing to hold the highest standards for ourselves, standards God desires for us. I recently heard a friend complaining that she couldn’t get Phillip* to call her. Two minutes later, she responded to his text, “Wanna watch a movie at my house?” in the affirmative. I’ve seen it too many times—brilliant, accomplished, God-fearing women making excuses for the players and the deadbeats and the guy who aren’t interested in anything more than sex. A lot of us have been there. We’re strong. We aren’t settling. And then we lose sight of what’s important and start “hanging out with” that guy. If a man can’t call to ask you on a date, he’s certainly not going to man-up and put a ring on your finger. 

The arguably most dangerous way women are contributing to the man-boy problem is in regards to sex. Oftentimes, women, including Christians, go further physically than they want to, hoping that their prowess will help them ‘catch a man’ when in fact, the opposite happens. Sex gives men the benefits without the promise of commitment and fidelity. Sure, there won’t be as many guys lining up to date you, but marriage will be a different story. Keeping the highest sexual purity standards will ensure he isn’t dating you just because he likes seeing you naked—and keep his intentions honorable. 

Another way women perpetuate the problem comes with the well-at-least-he’s-better-than _____ game. My hairdresser told me yesterday she had a hard time ending a relationship with a non-Christian, because the last Christian she dated had sent her pornographic text messages. Infuriating! However, standards should not be created based on the worst examples but instead on what God deems right. 

Many women also fall prey to the lie that dating or hanging out with “that guy” does not hold future implications. I found this especially true in college when friends (and myself, ahem) would date Mr. Text or Mr. I Don’t Believe in Organized Religion believing we could end the relationships as soon as someone better came along. However many of my friends are still entangled with or damaged by these men—especially in cases where sex was involved. By dating or playing around with the wrong men, we are essentially displaying mistrust in God’s plan and harming ourselves when the right man comes along. Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church, challenges singles: “Become the right person the right person is looking for.” A woman who dates placeholder men is most likely not who “Mr. Right” is looking for."

To read the rest of the article "Real Women Don't Text Back" please click here.

Why Biblical Submission Might Not Mean What You Think It Does

Photo Credit: Daniel Andre

There are many positive ways in which the Bible can be read. It can used to comfort, to encourage, to challenge, to direct, to instruct, to guide, to teach, to discipline and to train. Unfortunately, there are other ways that the Holy Scriptures has been twisted and distorted to demean others, to subjugate others and to hate others.

One of these areas in which the Bible has been misused is the topic of biblical submission. This subject relates specifically to how men and women are to relate to each other in marriage, church leadership and society at large. There are a variety of perspectives on this matter but, in general, there are two specific camps when it comes to the area of submission.

Complementarianism is the belief that God created men and women distinct from one another with differing, yet complementing, roles. For example, the man is the head of the household and the role of a pastor is reserved exclusively for men. Those that hold to this view will typically hold to more traditional roles between men and women when it comes to vocations and service in their local church.

Egalitarianism is the view that any roles both within the home and within the Church are not limited by one's gender. This would mean that a woman could be the final decision maker in a marriage relationship and that woman could hold any leadership role within the Church that she is gifted for. Egalitarians typically advocate women stepping into positions traditionally held by men if they feel they are called by God.

The proponents of both of these positions use the Scriptures to back up their views and both believe that their view is correct. My point in this post is not to argue for either position but to offer a different slant on what biblical submission truly means. Russell Moore explains in a recent post why he feels that even if one subscribes to a complementarian position in marriage it doesn't mean that women are to submit to all men everywhere.

Dr. Moore says this:

"Too often in our culture, women and girls are pressured to submit to men, as a category. This is the reason so many women, even feminist women, are consumed with what men, in general, think of them. This is the reason a woman’s value in our society, too often, is defined in terms of sexual attractiveness and availability. Is it any wonder that so many of our girls and women are destroyed by a predatory patriarchy that demeans the dignity and glory of what it means to be a woman? 

Submitting to men in general renders it impossible to submit to one’s “own husband.” Submission to one’s husband means faithfulness to him, and to him alone, which means saying “no” to other suitors. 

Submission to a right authority always means a corresponding refusal to submit to a false authority. Eve’s submission to the Serpent’s word meant she refused to submit to God’s. On the other hand, Mary’s submission to God’s word about the child within her meant she refused to submit to Herod’s. God repeatedly charges his Bride, the people of Israel, with a refusal to submit to him because they have submitted to the advances of other lovers. The freedom of the gospel means, the apostle tells us, that we “do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1). 

Despite the promise of female empowerment in the present age, the sexual revolution has given us the reverse. Is it really an advance for women that the average high-school male has seen images of women sexually exploited and humiliated on the Internet? Is it really empowerment to have more and more women economically at the mercy of men who freely abandon them and their children, often with little legal recourse? Is this really a “pro-woman” culture when restaurant chains enable men to pay to ogle women in tight T-shirts while they gobble down chicken wings? How likely is it that a woman with the attractiveness of Henry Kissinger will obtain power or celebrity status in American culture? What about the girl in your community pressured to perform oral sex on a boyfriend, what is this but a patriarchy brutal enough for a Bronze Age warlord? 

In the church it is little better. Too many of our girls and young women are tyrannized by the expectation to look a certain way, to weigh a certain amount, in order to gain the attention of “guys."

Biblical submission, when properly understood, doesn't mean that men are rulers over women. Too many men treat women as second class citizens or "less than" in the eyes of God because they are of a different gender. A wife who graciously submits to her husband is to be loved by her husband just as Jesus loved His followers, even to the point of death. A man that seeks to abuse submission to his own advantage simply does not understand the gospel of Jesus. Pastors on ego trips that play the submission card whenever someone disagrees with them probably need to find a new line of work.

One passage that is often quoted in this discussion is Ephesians 5:22: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." However, it is rare that the verse right before it is also included -- "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:22 specifically speaks to husbands and wives; Ephesians 5:21 speaks to all of us.

To read Russell Moore's complete post please click here.

Do Christian Men Have an Obligation to Marry Young?

Photo Credit: hanzabean

Kay S. Hymowitz has written a fascinating article for the Wall Street Journal Online about the trend we are seeing of men that seem to be intentionally delaying adulthood by avoiding marriage and parenthood until much later in life.

Hymowitz quotes comedienne and author, Julie Klausner:

"We are sick of hooking up with guys," writes the comedian Julie Klausner, author of a touchingly funny 2010 book, "I Don't Care About Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters and Other Guys I've Dated." What Ms. Klausner means by "guys" is males who are not boys or men but something in between. "Guys talk about 'Star Wars' like it's not a movie made for people half their age; a guy's idea of a perfect night is a hang around the PlayStation with his bandmates, or a trip to Vegas with his college friends.... They are more like the kids we babysat than the dads who drove us home." One female reviewer of Ms. Kausner's book wrote, "I had to stop several times while reading and think: Wait, did I date this same guy?"

Hymowitz goes onto identify that ambiguous stage of life that more and more men are occupying for longer periods of time -- pre-adulthood.  Those classified in the pre-adulthood stage are males that may be post-college age-wise (mid 20's and up), but are living life fundamentally no differently than they did while in their teens or early 20's.  (If you're having a difficult time envisioning this, picture Adam Sandler in nearly any movie that he has ever been in.) 

How could this be a problem?  Well, if you're a single women that is looking for a man who you can settle down and start a family with, it may seem like slim pickings when examining the field.  For most women, the ideal potential husband probably has showered within the last 24 hours, does not regularly go out with "bed head", and doesn't occupy a job that could easily be filled by a fifteen year old high school student.  A pre-adult doesn't fully understand that adulthood not only brings with it independence from one's parents but also responsibility to be a productive member of society.

For the pre-adult male that is perpetually stuck in a state of "21-ness", marriage and family could be the last thing on his mind. Hymowitz comments further:

"Unlike adolescents, however, pre-adults don't know what is supposed to come next. For them, marriage and parenthood come in many forms, or can be skipped altogether. In 1970, just 16% of Americans ages 25 to 29 had never been married; today that's true of an astonishing 55% of the age group. In the U.S., the mean age at first marriage has been climbing toward 30 (a point past which it has already gone in much of Europe). It is no wonder that so many young Americans suffer through a "quarter-life crisis," a period of depression and worry over their future."

In many ways, I have a hard time relating to men that live life well into their 30's and 40's without any plans to marry and have children.  Fairly early on during my time in college, I began praying about whether I thought God would want me to get married and prayed specifically about the type of woman that I would want to marry.  When I believed I had met her, I didn't waste any time.  I met my now-wife when I was 24 and married her shortly after I turned 25 (we were wed less than a year after meeting).  We had our first three children by the time I was 30.  Needless to say, if there was any boy left in me, I was forced to grow up due to the responsibilities inherent in being a husband and father.

Mark Driscoll, a pastor in Seattle, wrote a controversial article on this very topic several months ago.  In the article, Driscoll pulls no punches as he describes these pre-adult men as "boys who can shave."  Look at some of what he had to say:

"What happens if you walk into the church and try to find out what a man looks like? First of all, you're not going to find a lot of guys in most evangelical churches. The least likely person to see in church is a single, twenty-something male. He is as rare at church as a vegan at a steak house.

In the world, boys who can shave are children who are consumers. In the church, boys who can shave are cowards who are complainers.

A buddy of mine calls them evangellyfish because they have no backbone. They don't declare a major, church, theology, or fiancé. They don't want to fail and they think if they don't try, then they can't fail. And by definition, that's a failure.

They are, however, endowed with the spiritual gift of complaining. They say, "I hate the church. The church just wants my money." As if the church wants his futon, Xbox, light beer, and computer filled with free Internet porn.

Here's the cold hard truth: it's a lot harder to do something than it is to complain about those who are doing something. The notorious sin of Christian guys is complaining about guys who are doing something rather than doing something."

While Driscoll's words certainly are pointed, I have to admit that I agree with much of what he has to say. Boys are tentative, irresponsible and wait for others to do things for them. Men take initiative, willingly accept responsibility and gladly call others to follow them.  But does this mean that Christian men that wait until later in life to marry are in sin?

First, there is no age that the Bible states when a man should marry. Throughout history men have generally married at a variety of ages, depending upon the era and culture in which they lived. So I don't think there is a "right" age for all men to seek out marriage.

Second, marriage is not for everyone. There have been some great men throughout history (both Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul come to mind) that did not marry because they felt they could serve God more faithfully without the responsibilities of marriage. So a man that feels called by God to a single and celibate lifestyle for the sake of the gospel should be applauded.

Third, there are men that desperately want to get married and God has just not brought the right woman across their path. They are committed to living a God-honoring lifestyle and are not willing to compromise their convictions just because they have a desire to get married. These men, too, should be admired and esteemed.

However, I think that the trends show that there is an increasing number of Christian men that are prolonging marriage because they simply don't want to accept the responsibilities that come with having a wife and, possibly, children. It is not that they feel called to singleness or aren't interested in women, they simply don't want to grow up and move on to the next stage of life.

Being a husband and father forces us to grow up and truly live as men and that scares a lot of guys.  These "boys who can shave" realize that having a wife will mean that they will be responsible to and for someone else and that is intimidating.  It means they will not just be living for themselves anymore but will need to take someone else into account.

But their passivity affects others whether they realize it or not.  There are literally millions of godly, available women that are searching for a husband in a world seemingly made up of boys. I know of too many women that are waiting for a man of initiative to pursue them yet the single men that they interact with are too busy playing video games and hanging out with their buddies.

It can grow wearisome for Christian women to wait for years for a godly man to pursue them and settle for any nice guy that shows an interest in them. My advice to women is to not settle when it comes to your dating relationships and the choice of a husband. If you want to be married to a man, don't date a boy.

For the men out there, Driscoll has this advice:

"Men, you are to be creators and cultivators. God is a creator and a cultivator and you were made to image him. Create a family and cultivate your wife and children. Create a ministry and cultivate other people. Create a business and cultivate it. Be a giver, not a taker, a producer and not just a consumer. Stop looking for the path of least resistance and start running down the path of greatest glory to God and good to others because that's what Jesus, the real man, did."

Is Facebook Harmful for Young Women?

According to a new study by the Oxygen Media and Lightspeed Research company, there are some disturbing trends developing as it pertains to young women and their relationship to Facebook. The study found that of women aged 18-34, at least 1/3 of them check their Facebook account before they do anything else in the morning.

Other facts from the study:

• 42% of women age 18-34 think it's okay to post photos of themselves while intoxicated.
• 21% check Facebook in the middle of the night.
• 58% use Facebook to check up on "frenemies."
• 50% think it's okay to date those they've met on Facebook (65% of men have no problem with this).
• 6% use Facebook to "hook up" with others (20% of men do).
• 9% have used Facebook to break up a relationship they were in while 24% of men have done the same.

These statistics demonstrate that women should think twice about the information they post on their Facebook profile, the friends that they meet online and examine whether Facebook has become an addiction for them.

As Ben Parr on Mashable.com shares:

"What conclusions can we draw from this data? It’s not just that young women are using Facebook religiously: it’s that they’re very open with what they post and who they accept as friends. Combined, it can lead to a privacy mess."

When the numbers concerning how men use Facebook in relationships are examined, there are some shocking realities that come into play. Men, too, are susceptible to the same temptations that unguarded online interactions can bring. Modern technology can be a great tool when used properly, but it also can be used for harm and destruction by those with ill motives.

For some helpful tips on how to protect your Facebook privacy, check out these suggestions from MakeUseOf.com.

(h/t to Tony Arnold)